I don’t honestly know if people read this blog as a story, which is how it originated, or just by finding things specific hot your situation through a link or a search engine.
The thing is, I started this blog/website about raising emotional kids back in 2006 when “Dervish” was about 5 and I was pulling my hair out. The goal was to help myself – and help others in the same boat – learn strategies for dealing their our emotionally difficult challenging children.
Until recently, I hadn’t updated this site in a very long time. Things get very busy in a home with 3 kids when they all start becoming their own people. However, this website enjoyed a good amount of visitors so I just left it here.
Recently I lost track of stuff and inadvertently let my hosting plan expire. It was a few weeks before I saw it and then it was too late – I couldn’t get it back so I have been scrounging the archives to regenerate it. There was over 800 pages – now about 80.
Anyway, as I’m plugging along bringing back what I can of the site it is reminding me of the difficulties I experienced in those early years and that really, it doesn’t seem so unmanageable now.
For a snapshot of life – my oldest, the Pie is now 18, he has graduated high school and is currently “exploring is options” which in adult speak is “doing a lot of nothing – stagnating – not going to college or university”. I am trying very hard to restrain myself where he is concerned. Very often ‘my’ mother tries to come through me and tell him what to do but the real me believes that he needs to find his own way, with our support and this is a very short period of time in a vast life that is yet to be lived.
So, I encourage him to sign up for some courses at the college or university that ‘interest’ him. Not what will get him a good job, not what is the going thing – just what turns him on and from there, hopefully he will find his passion and then find a way to make a living around it. He is a really bright kid and passionate about a lot of things – I can’t wait until he finds ‘the one’ that is his purpose – not because I’m in a hurry, but because I think it will be a blast to watch!
He was, over time, able to self moderate with regards to his ADHD. He didn’t like the medication and during our discussion about his issues we let him know that we would accept his choice as long as he was able to manage his symptoms on his own. He did pretty well.
The Dervish, the inspiration for this blog, is still intense and emotional yes, but he has learned to better cope with his intense emotions and is no longer laying on the floor kicking and screaming but he still occasionally has a meltdown. What I have found with him is that he does tend to try to hold things in and then when he can no longer cope with whatever it is he falls apart. I’m not sure if that is a naturally occurring phenomena with intense emotional kids or if maybe I had been better at parenting him, he might be more open with his feelings. He does talk to me though so I think it’s ok.
It’s difficult to determine how much of his current issues with temper and emotion is related to his intensity, or puberty or just general teenage anxiety – probably a combination of all of those things. If you are dealing with a boy in the throws of puberty, you might want to read my post on Talking About Puberty. We did do this with The Pie as well and if that’s any indication, it’s a great idea.
In spite of what the child psychologist suggested back when he was 4, that he would never live independently and would have many learning disabilities, he is doing well in school. He is in a French immersion program where students are taught their subjects in French most of the time and English subjects are introduced gradually until in grade 8 they are learning 50% in English and 50% in French. He’s also an extraordinary athlete and competes at the highest level of his chosen sport. His goal is to be a professional player and I wouldn’t put it past him to achieve his goal.
While raising a difficult child is, if nothing else, challenging but is also frustrating and stressful, there are positives about this personality type as well. Dervish maintains immense focus on things that he is interested in. He has given up many things to pursue his dream and doesn’t bat an eye at it. I remember telling him one year at Halloween when I dressed him as “fire” that he was going to set the world on fire one day, that all of that emotion and intensity was like a giant fire ball and that I had faith in him that he was going to lite things up.
The girl is 10 and a total Diva. While she still fell into the category of being an emotionally intense child, either we were used to it by then or she just wasn’t quite as tightly wound as her brother. She too does well enough at school and is also in the French Immersion program. She excels at the more artistic endeavors as well as athletically.
So all in all, I am happy with how our family has grown and who my children are becoming. There are probably a thing or two I might have done differently but you can’t go back. What I can do is continue to offer my perspective and experience to write about raising these challenging kids and of course, I am happy to offer suggestions and advice in any parenting issue. Sometimes it’s good just to have an unbiased opinion when you are facing a difficult decision.
email me at themom at myrollercoasterkid.com